dance, is the most gratifying epiphany i'm living.

i have to confess, i do prefer this larger font size.

man, i haven't been this happy in quite some time. it's like all the life's little let downs adding up to this huge epiphany that no one ever saw coming in one million years. i don't care if anyone reads this, but i know to myself that i'm set for the road of impulsive acts of pure joy, and i can't wait for it.

honestly, i just really don't want to jinx any of this, knowing that i have zero experience on what may never come. i'm talking relationships, that is. not that i believe in jinxes, anyways.

i need to brace myself, and pace this out in the most wholesome steady beat.

dance it out.

the only reason i'm always dreading to go to dance class is that i'm extremely afraid that i'll never reach the technique and grace that is needed. by my standards, i have them set up in the clouds for myself.

i need to push myself until i feel pains no one even knew existed, and i'm not going only type it out in words on here, but to dance it.

this gut feeling in my body leaves me feeling the mental strength i need and what is about to inspire me to soar.

coming off of my still ongoing yellow fever from the beijing olympics, i've recently found myself coming down with the nba fever. it's not really an official title, but i'm using it, so it's legit.

let's start with my top three nba crushes, shall we? or like yoda, "start off with top three, we shall." ahaha.

wow. uh, don't ask me where that came from. ask about where that came from, in case you don't already know.

here we go.

numero uno (yes, i'll be doing the numbers in spanish). steve nash of the phoenix suns.


i no longer can deny to myself how good-looking this man is. don't say i'm the only one too, 'cause i know for a fact that i'm not. not that it would matter anyway. haven't seen much of his game, but those two shiny awards he's won proves to me that there's not much but true passion and skill from him. sure, people may hate me for this, but can they pull of two mvp awards? i don't think so, probably not even close to one.


numero dos. channing frye of the portland trailblazers.


yeah, i'm a sucker for guys with big pearly whites. seriously, look him up and you'll find a mouthful of delicious biters that could go on for days. mmmmm. classy man. i'm calling a non-refundable goal to myself to see at least one portland trailblazers game since i live around portland. ridiculous that i haven't anyways. i haven't seen much of his games from when he was in new york, but in the portland games, he's a fairly decent player.


numero tres. rudy fernandez of the portland trailblazers.


fresh from spain and easily one of the finest spanish men i've ever seen, right next to ricky rubio. since we're talking nba though, i don't think it would be fair to throw in ricky, even if he's going to be the numero uno pick of the next drafting batch. rudy was the numero veinti y tres pick of the draft (number twenty-third). rudy for three, that's what i know him best by, and his amazing spanish accent. oh, and, i really hope he doesn't shave.

haa, well i never thought that i'd be such an nba fanatic that this post would come out of me. i guess i've proved myself wrong.


i sooooo want to go to the all-star game.

the other day, i was on someone's youtube page, and it was saying how they are an ambitious dancer.

i'd say i would classify myself in that category as being a dancer, too. it's almost bad. actually, it's pretty bad because i don't consider myself that great of a dancer, but my passion just keeps the fire burning, though, knowing fully well that i can, and will be so much better. seriously, i will do whatever it takes.

since i have so many ambitions, i sometimes let myself down, and it kills me. everytime. of course, i move on, and it's a brand new day of taking on a new challenge, since the last one has been mastered.

i recieve so many remarks on how, oh, my dancing won't take me that far in life, it won't do me any good, and how i'm wasting my parent's money. yeah, all of those inquirys may be  true facts and i tell myself that everytime, but there's always this point in my brain where i hold this microscopic thought that someday, i might become that ballerina on san francisco's, or new york city ballet's stage.

that's quite a long shot, i'm extremely aware, but i'll always keep fighting for that greatness. even if i never make it quite that far, i'll still dance my heart out until i discover pains in my body that no one even knew existed. why? 'cause that's all i'll ever do.

i know, i know, i know that i still have a long ways to go 'till i reach that beauty, and them some more, but like i said, i'll do whatever it takes.

just wanted to pour those words out before going to practice the allegro combination we're working on.

keep your head up, don't let yourself sink, because you gotta keep dancing, even if it hurts.

that show, hilarious evera-single-freakin' time.

no joke though, watching the 2008 beijing olympics has inspired me to find a grasp on some strength to push myself to do whatever the hell i want, and do it good. you know, like drugs, drive-by's, walking around town bare-assed. hahah. those were jokes, of course.

really though, it's given me a light that gave a glow that made me change my thinking to where i mentally tell myself to propel my body in dance until i feel pains that nobody even knew existed. i swear to GOD, though, if i sprain another ankle, i'll rampage through all the civilization in this small-ass town and yell at the top of my lungs. minus all that though, and add in a few explosive fits, i'll be fine. although, i'm not gonna let that happen this upcoming dance year. it'll be too amazing for that to happen. 

anyways, back to the original idea of this post, the men's gymnastics really drew me in. out of all the events, i'd say gymnastics and basketball were my most liked. plus, those insanely fast moving limbs of track and field, HOLY F. haha.

what really came to my attention were the modestness (modestness, is that even a WORD? haha), calmness, and attractiveness of the men's gymnastic team of china. haha. damn, they were gooooood! i've been watching some videos of them training before the olympics, and really, they deserve every shimmering spec of the gold medal. i mean, all athletes have their mistakes, china could've done worse, or could've done better, but they chose the best option and did they're unlimited best.

all the other teams, as well, amazed me. team usa made me cheer for their skills and happy that they medaled. the falls of the competition were extremely heartbreaking and body cringing. japan's gymnast recovered excellenty, though. fabian hambuechen, he's amazing at what he does, but it just wasn't his day. good that he still medaled in the all around though.

to zip up the imaginary zipper on this entry, the beijing 2008 games have been exhilarating, see you in london 2012, talented, good people of the sports world. haha.

oh and picture? yesssshhh..



sorry, it's a little small, limited on resources, freakin' internet. 

OH!! almost forgot, gotta have the favorites hahah. chen yibing (far left), li xiaopeng (3rd guy in from left), yang wei (2nd from last), and ZOU KAI!!! (far right).

yeah, ok. long blog much?.....

congrats, to everyone though. now i wished that i would've trained in regular or rhythmic gymnastics, but dance gives me the kind of joy like a nice game of monopoly. haha, though the kind of happiness that dance gives me, is pure.

yeah, i'm hoping my adventure in dance will bloom to the point where i could never of imagined that my eyes could even see that far. that would be the ultimate adventure. so ultimate.

ok, enough of all that creative formal writing crap. i just want to get this post over with because i can't really contain this excitement.

in the upcomming dance year, i'll be in the pointe prep class... !!!!!

being put in the same class last year made me realize how much better i could and will be. i worked my butt off for this and i won't take it for granted.

most brilliant adventure i'm on so far.

i am soo out....

ohh good ol' dane cook....


i've been just sitting around and thoughts are twirling around in my unstable mind. this mind of mine, it moves around in all different directions, pulling me into one opportunity or another temptation to buy a snickers bar. of course, the snickers has to be dark chocolate, or have almonds in it. no disrespect, but that's just how i am. haha.

all these thoughts, though, are just airwaves in my mind. each and every one of them are amazing. my mind takes over them, because i take over my mind. the one thought that really reached out to sense for me was this: spontaneity. i no longer want to live this life so planned out. simplicity doesn't crash into extravaganza very well. why should i crash into the "everything must be planned out" state? and that's right, i shouldn't. everything that comes, i take. not planningly, just spontaneously.

i don't forget to give back though.

i want the days back where i decided i want to live life spontaneously. everyday. 

i'mma get those days back.

this past week was dance team try outs. hectic as heck.

but, i've decided from today on that i'm going to try to make posting a new journal at least once a week is my new found epiphany and goal.

i doubt it will even last more than a week and a half.

anyways, back to the dance team matter. i didn't make it. :(
i guess i didn't give it my all, which is totally abnormal for me. what i felt was just really the "out of body" experience like people feel when they're eating some exotic indian dish or something. that's probably not true but i did feel the "oob (out of body)" experience. not a good feeling at auditions. i didn't land my doubles, didn't count on my second set of kicks, had mess-ups. but HEY, that's just life man. right, right?

well, i can't get everything i want. shit happens: welcome to existence.

on the up-side, i'll have more time to concentrate on my studio dancing and have a year to get better. i'll be trying out next year. forrr shoooo'. the exciting atmosphere is already hanging above my head. i can feel it, i swear.

as for studio dancing, i've been promoted to pointe prep/begging pointe in ballet. at least i think that's what my teacher said. but, i will not take this for granted. seeing that life can't be taken for granted. ever.

rejection hurts and i'm dissapointed, but i deal.

we all deal.